“Mission to Mars”
As
a child of divorced parents, I can see right through the president's announcement
that we, the United States, are going to build a base station on the moon
and from there travel on to Mars.
Like this: "Mommy and Daddy don't love each other any more, and your
feelings of helplessness, despair and guilt will probably linger long
into your adult years, but when you come to my house every other weekend
you can stay up late and have all the ice cream you want!"
Neither of my parents ever came right out and said, "Please re-elect
me," but I could sense that that's what they were thinking.
Here. Have some more random space thoughts:
* In order to bring the space program up to modern times,
I hope some of the Man-on-Mars budget will find its way to the Fab Five,
the makeover experts from "Queer Eye..." I think that being
the first nation to put a man on Mars will be a wasted, probably even
mocked, effort if someone ends up hopping around Mars in one of those
outdated Neil Armstrong bubble-head getups from, sheesh, over 30 years
ago. Time to clean out the NASA closet and invest in some hip space couture.
Otherwise ...Danger, Will Robinson!
* Speaking of Mr. Armstrong, I hope NASA now realizes
the importance of getting a good speech writer for the astronaut who makes
the very first footprint on Martian soil. "That's one small step
for man, one giant leap for mankind" is grammatically questionably
and, in the present-day PC world, potentially sexist. It is also one of
the more famous sentences ever spoken. So, now we have a chance to try
again as Astronaut Whosits floats down to the Martian surface while the
whole world watches. [Please, please, PLEASE don't thank Jesus for this
victory.] I'm thinking something more like "Top Ten Reasons It Just
Totally Kicks Ass To Be On Mars."
* I'm having mixed emotions about the promise of a lunar
base. On the positive side, it will certainly be an amazing accomplishment
for human ingenuity. On the other hand - the potential for the number
of reality TV shows taking place on a moon colony is frightening. "The
Real World - Lunar Base R-17." In space, no one can hear you scream.
* However, should a lunar base finally become the reality
that sci-fi books and movies have been promising for years, then we can
put our technological focus on the other great sci-fi promise: sexy robots
to do our bidding.
* I can't shake the idea that this plan was hatched after
Bush watched an episode of "Salvage 1." Remember that reeeeeal
bad TV show from the late-70s? It starred Andy Griffith as a junkman who
builds a rocket ship in order to fly to the moon, bring back all the space
junk left there by NASA, and sell it. Hey, Sheriff Andy built a space
ship out of old hot water heaters - let's build us one, too.
* The President said he will initially seek an additional
$1billion over the next five years to begin researching the lunar/Mars
project. Hmmm...that should just about cover the design, research and
creation of a clay model of Mars (not to scale) with a little red flag
on the end of a toothpick poking out of the proposed landing site. There
won't, however, be quite enough left over to foot the bill for the press
conference required to unveil it.
* Since it is likely that some member of the Bush family
will still be ruling America by the proposed 2020 lunar mission date,
I think it's a safe bet that there'll be some oil drilling going on up
there. This will present an interesting challenge for those involved:
how do you ruin an environment that is already a barren waste land? It'll
be fun to watch, and will take everyone's mind off the fact that we don't
get to have elections anymore.
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