"SPAM Replies"

As each year winds down, I like to go through and answer all the e-mail I've let pile up.

FROM: drvfwagyk@a2z4u.net

SUBJECT: Do you use a telephone? If so check this out

MESSAGE: Would you like at least $1500.00 to $3500.00 per day just for returning phone calls? I do! If you have a telephone and can return 3-10 calls a day you can do this program. No Selling. No convincing. No explaining. Not M-L-M.

MY REPLY: Dear drvfwagyk,

Hey, sorry for taking so long to reply to your e-mail. I do have one of those telephone things you mentioned, and although an extra $3,500 a day would come in handy, I think I'll have to pass for now. I am just the worst at returning phone calls. Even worse than I am at returning e-mails - lol.

Adios,

Barry

.....

FROM: hhxbolohfip@attbi.com

SUBJECT: Will you make the cut

MESSAGE: Dont be fooled all pain, suffering, sickness, greed, meaness comes from saten. Accept God today.

MY REPLY: Dear hhxbolohfip,

Thank you so much for your concern about me making the cut. I'm sure you are incredibly busy telling others what to believe, so I appreciate you taking the time to tell ME what to believe. As much as I appreciate it, I have to confess that I have looked into the options of both parties, and have concluded that the followers of "saten" have much better musical taste, so I'm gonna have to go the pain, suffering and meaness route for now.

Have a great day,

Barry

.....

FROM: qfhsmpzvdoo@alloymail.com

SUBJECT: Hi..

MESSAGE: jawbone and unfree in your surface area, dejected wedded adult female essay your fourth dimension.< http://fondle.nbvc.info >rub off

MY REPLY: Hey qfhsmpzvdoo,

Thanks for taking the time to write to me. I could not agree more about the jawbone stuff, not to mention the rubbing off. How cool! Haven't had a chance to check out your web page yet, but I will real soon.

Take it easy,

Barry

.....

FROM: Angela

SUBJECT: Im a naughty girl

MESSAGE: Hi, John told me you and I would fit well together ... so I figured out I would email you to know more about you. I will also be in town next week. I also got a webcam :) I would like to chat with you, you can visit my profile there.

MY REPLY: Dear Angela,

I know we hardly know each other, but since we share a mutual friend in John I feel comfortable saying this - you really shouldn't be so down on yourself. I mean, when you constantly refer to yourself as "naughty," then eventually you start to believe it, and then things in your life start to show up to reinforce it. I would really recommend that you try writing, "I, Angela, am a kind and loving girl" on a piece of paper and sticking it in a place where you'll see it every day, like on the bathroom mirror. Even after a week you'll start to feel better about yourself, I promise.

I'll check our your webcam (congrats!) when my work load lightens up a bit. Tell John I said "hi."

Barry

.....

FROM: dick

SUBJECT: (no subject)

MESSAGE: waileth godheads scandalous. hardening arborets, executeth dissembled amaltheas. difficult oxes arguments dryen loos.

MY REPLY: Yo dick,

Dude, it's so good to hear from you. It's been too long. Seems like only yesterday you were citrate ambling maestro audacity bathtub apocalypse paternal. And now look at you! Nice work. Well, gotta run.

Barry

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