"Who Was That Guy?"

I took a trip to Denver over the weekend. That's the Big City, you know.

After a full day of seeing lots of people, and not knowing any of them, I was reminded that small town life means seeing the same people over and over. (See how travel broadens one's horizons?)

This, in itself, isn't necessarily bad, especially if you like the people. Even if you don't like the people it isn't so bad, as you can usually see them coming and take action to avoid them.

No, the annoying part is when the people you see all the time are people you sorta know. You know, like you can kinda make them out, but you just aren't quite sure ...

Need a real life example? Great, I've got one.

A few months back I was doing a little shopping at Wal-Mart. As I was filling my basket with cheap, plastic, community destroying, local merchant displacing items a guy came around the corner and said, presumably to me, "Hi, Barry." He said it with such enthusiasm that I got the feeling that we knew each other, and knew each other well. So I responded with a jovial, "Hey! How's it going?"

Now, I had no idea who this person was. I didn't even recognize his face. But I was sure that at any moment my feeble little memory would kick in and everything would fall into place.

Thirty seconds of intense, personal conversation later and I still remained clueless. But I didn't let on. I listened to tales of things he'd done recently and responded with little anecdotes of what I'd been up to of late. A full minute passed and I started to get nervous. I studied his face carefully as he spoke. I searched my memory intensely for even the slightest hint of where I'd met this guy. Two minutes had elapsed and I had nothing. When he began telling me about his recent surgery, I knew that my window of opportunity to say, "I'm sorry, but who the hell are you?" had slammed shut.

After a full five minutes of very intimate conversing I managed to slip away, with some lame excuse of having to check out the sale on Moon Pies in another part of the store. I bid him a fond farewell, told him how great it was to see him again and promised that I'd call and we'd get together real soon. The I fled to the Moon Pie aisle, mopping my forehead.

Who the hell was that guy?

I tell this story only because I suspect that, small town dweller or not, something similar has happened to you. You, too, probably have a cupboard full of Moon Pies, all purchased in an attempt to avoid the truth.

I like Moon Pies, but there comes a time when one can no longer rely on the solace of snack cakes. This is why I've come up with some sure fire methods of always remembering who people are, where you know them from, and whether or not you have anything to say to them.

METHOD 1 - REPETITION: When you meet someone for the first time, the experts say that you should repeat their name 7 times to yourself in order to fix it in your memory. This is good, but not quite enough. Try, instead, repeating their name 75 times, out loud, to their face. Follow them around if necessary. This will not only secure their name in your long term memory, but will also be a good way to insure that they will never again attempt to talk to you.

METHOD 2 - LABELING: When you first meet someone in an environment where you plan to see more of them for a while, like at work or a party, write their name on their forehead in big block letters with a permanent felt tip marker. By the time they are able to fully wash it off, you'll have no problem remembering them. Nor are they likely to forget you.

METHOD 3 - SUCK IT UP: This is a last resort, but once you get over the humiliation, life will move along rather smoothly. It will be hard to swallow your pride at first, but soon it'll come naturally to say to that person who claims to know you, "You know, you act as though we've met before, yet I don't recognize you, not even a little. Help me out here, would you?"

Then, after they've given you a brief rundown of where and how you met, maybe even showed you some ID, you'll be able to say, without flinching, "Oh, right...hi mom."

(NEXT TIME: Now where did I leave my car?)

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